Back by popular demand. I can be conservative on the INS, critical on the OUTS, and suspiciously spot-on with the PREDICTIONS. But if anything, I’m discerning. Also – this is all like… alleged and in good fun. So, please, nobody sue me.
INS 🫡
Checking a bag, there are two types of people — people who check a bag and those who look bad on vacation. You get no brownie points for being a ‘smart packer’ if you consistently look under-dressed.
Letting your phone die and not carrying a charger in your tote bag like a lunatic.
Sobriety, unless it’s Casa Dragones or Honey Deuces at the US Open.
Soundcloud, for those fatigued by the Spotify algorithm and looking to open the aperture of what they listen to with artists untouched by the machine. Also, there is a ton of unreleased stuff from your faves (SZA, I’m looking at you).
Recording videos from those old-school hand-held cameras and editing them yourself like you’re an OG Harmony Korine.
Speedboat by Renata Adler.
Corporate espionage.
Using the word ‘panoply.’
Miu Miu on men, Willy Chavarria on everyone.
Jack Antonoff, after learning that he produced the new Kendrick album you have to recognize that he is not the issue here…
Doubles in East Hampton (specifically the Leilani Bowl and the chicken roti).
Calla lilies.
Vintage Cartier watches and lab diamonds.
People’s, not the diamonds.
Crispy onions on hot dogs and smoked mussels, separately, you freak.
OUTS 🤨
Potlucks, the chaos of coordinating disparate dishes from people who may not even know each other is barbaric. Dinner parties deserve a single culinary visionary, a benevolent dictator of taste to curate the menu and execute every bite. Vote culinary cohesion for 2025.
Confessional pop music, I want to go back to the days when I truly had no idea what a singer was talking about and the lyrics didn’t really make sense. Everything I know about Sabrina Carpenter’s sex life is against my will. I really don’t need to be aware of someone named “Matty Healy.” Pop music, at its best, is about escapism, and by tethering songwriting to real-life events like breakups, the art form is migrating closer to a The Cut personal essay and breaking the fourth wall.
Boiler Room, it’s run through now, sorry!
Those passive-aggressive side-tables waiters bring out to put your food on while they find space for it on your dining table because… what are you trying to tell me?
Calling second-hand clothes “vintage,” although one isn’t better than the other, it’s often not the same.
Vapes, my childhood asthma prohibits me from participating but I do say that the cigfluence campaign is strong. It’s time to embrace tradition.
Sant Ambroeus.
Sweet potato fries, grow up.
Using the word ‘situationship,’ just say you ‘took a lover’ for a couple of months (or weeks lol) like the French and save yourself the embarrassment.
Geotagging on Instagram Stories, just post a few days later to keep ‘em guessing on your next move.
PREDICTIONS 🫨
SKIMS collab with Pope Francis on a “Catholic-friendly” underwear called HYMNS.
Justin Bieber comeback amid the Diddy trials.
Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron divorce.
Sabrina Carpenter to date Pete Davidson, Pete Davidson to return to SNL.
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