Compelled by your writing always! Really interested in how these themes interact on the opposite end of the spectrum with incel culture… when desirability is withheld from someone and they have no “substance” to turn to besides anger. “The Right to Sex” by Amia Srinivasan speaks to this, but it’s been years since I’ve read it so perhaps a reread is in order.
HAHAH i wouldn’t be surprised if the narrator’s husband in all fours had shit stained boxers. in fact, the book deals with something similar but it involves a dog… I shan’t speak on this anymore lol
Literally just watched The Substance and am so haunted... the last paragraph of this piece will haunt me too!
Thinking sociologically (I am also tired of me saying this) it's impossible to extricate the macro from the micro. That's what makes people bristle, the idea that they aren't unique but the product of multiple forces bearing down on them, twisting them into whatever form they eventually take. Rebelling against desirability culture feels impossible bc the rebellion forces you to acknowledge it: we're all trapped, baby! but therein is the freedom, I think...
I cannot wait for your breakdown of The Substance! I love the sociology takes. I had a discussion with a friend today on it, on why they made the creative choice to have Sue and Elisabeth be two separate beings rather than band together and a generous reading I had is that perhaps they wanted to show that women could only be pitted against each other in a patriarchy. It's giving "the masters tools will never dismantle the master's house."
Love your voice! Desirability is such a sprawling, complex, and timeless yet increasingly timely topic… it’s always fun to read your takes on culture through a personal lens
Wow! This is my first edition I’ve ever read, I just discovered you through Viv Chen, and I’m blown away! I just subscribed. Also - that’s my favorite song right now, also, Viv’s Vogue article on color blocking was amazing and I need to link that with this, and also…what a great movie about murder!!! I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet, and now I need to write about it, because all I write about are murders! Anyway, just impressed. Xoxo
Love how you started with a still from Crash, one of my favorites even though I actually find it very difficult to rewatch 😂 So many interesting thoughts here and questions to ponder over!
Such a great read as always. Have you read No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July? It’s one of my favorites by her. I’ll definitely be checking out All Fours too 🫶
As a long-time observer and/or participant regarding this topic across all sorts of groups, my conclusion is that every group is a self-interested hypocrite when it comes to this topic
Yeah, of course! It's like women and men calling each other incels/femcels, while they themselves constantly complain about the unfairness of dating and how they deserve more attention because reasons xyz. Every gender group of every race also has a logical rationale for why it's very justified for their own sub-group to date interracially, but not so (or as much) for the opposite gender of their own race.
I saw Amia Srinivasan's "The Right to Sex" mentioned elsewhere in the comments. I read that book a while ago, but IIRC, the overall conclusion was that while love and sex were very important parts of people's happiness, one's entitlement to them ended where it imposed on others' personal rights (a duh statement, I felt). I think most people know and agree with this, but they're very willing to push and blur that line when it comes to their own interests while being very restrictive when it comes to others'.
What you mention reminds me a lot of Tony Tulathimutte’s Rejection, a story collection that just came out last week in which the first three stories circle around subjects of romantic rejection. The entitlement to love and desire is a present theme across in which the reader can also see the obvious faults that prevent the protagonists from achieving wha they want. I recommend! It’s also a National book award long list finalist.
I'm actually just writing a review of that book right now haha (big fan of Tulathimutte). Would be curious to get your thoughts on my piece when I publish it here.
Compelled by your writing always! Really interested in how these themes interact on the opposite end of the spectrum with incel culture… when desirability is withheld from someone and they have no “substance” to turn to besides anger. “The Right to Sex” by Amia Srinivasan speaks to this, but it’s been years since I’ve read it so perhaps a reread is in order.
I have “right to sex” on my coffee table. This is a reminder for me to start reading it :) thanks for reading
When you write “miranda!!!” unfortunately it’s Steve’s voices I’m hearing in my head
HAHAH i wouldn’t be surprised if the narrator’s husband in all fours had shit stained boxers. in fact, the book deals with something similar but it involves a dog… I shan’t speak on this anymore lol
That book will live in my head forever
Literally just watched The Substance and am so haunted... the last paragraph of this piece will haunt me too!
Thinking sociologically (I am also tired of me saying this) it's impossible to extricate the macro from the micro. That's what makes people bristle, the idea that they aren't unique but the product of multiple forces bearing down on them, twisting them into whatever form they eventually take. Rebelling against desirability culture feels impossible bc the rebellion forces you to acknowledge it: we're all trapped, baby! but therein is the freedom, I think...
I cannot wait for your breakdown of The Substance! I love the sociology takes. I had a discussion with a friend today on it, on why they made the creative choice to have Sue and Elisabeth be two separate beings rather than band together and a generous reading I had is that perhaps they wanted to show that women could only be pitted against each other in a patriarchy. It's giving "the masters tools will never dismantle the master's house."
If “the Substance” is sperm and the “younger version of yourself” is a literal child, I’ve already taken it, baby!
💉🍼
Elated that I had mentally drafted a comment about "Sexy to Someone" and then you brought it home a few paragraphs later!!.
I enjoyed this piece so much, such a great summer send off. Also deeply impressed with the art you're weaving in -- you have a great eye
ahhh thank you!! im grateful to have you as a reader and i LOVE that clairo album
Love your voice! Desirability is such a sprawling, complex, and timeless yet increasingly timely topic… it’s always fun to read your takes on culture through a personal lens
thanks so much! i appreciate you reading :)
The questions of this essay are huge, the references incred
Thank you Ryann!!! 😃
Wow! This is my first edition I’ve ever read, I just discovered you through Viv Chen, and I’m blown away! I just subscribed. Also - that’s my favorite song right now, also, Viv’s Vogue article on color blocking was amazing and I need to link that with this, and also…what a great movie about murder!!! I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet, and now I need to write about it, because all I write about are murders! Anyway, just impressed. Xoxo
thank you so much for the kind message reda!!! the name of your newsletter is so clever
Love how you started with a still from Crash, one of my favorites even though I actually find it very difficult to rewatch 😂 So many interesting thoughts here and questions to ponder over!
thank you for reading :)
Subscribed simply for this he perfect blue mention, that movie changed me in formidable ways!
such an important film!!!!!!!!
Such a great read as always. Have you read No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July? It’s one of my favorites by her. I’ll definitely be checking out All Fours too 🫶
I have not but I should pick it up. I truly had no idea who she was until All Fours despite seeing Kajillionaire. Is that the short story collection?
Yes it is, a quick but very engrossing read
🫡🫡🫡
As a long-time observer and/or participant regarding this topic across all sorts of groups, my conclusion is that every group is a self-interested hypocrite when it comes to this topic
Interesting! Are you comfortable expanding a bit?
Yeah, of course! It's like women and men calling each other incels/femcels, while they themselves constantly complain about the unfairness of dating and how they deserve more attention because reasons xyz. Every gender group of every race also has a logical rationale for why it's very justified for their own sub-group to date interracially, but not so (or as much) for the opposite gender of their own race.
I saw Amia Srinivasan's "The Right to Sex" mentioned elsewhere in the comments. I read that book a while ago, but IIRC, the overall conclusion was that while love and sex were very important parts of people's happiness, one's entitlement to them ended where it imposed on others' personal rights (a duh statement, I felt). I think most people know and agree with this, but they're very willing to push and blur that line when it comes to their own interests while being very restrictive when it comes to others'.
What you mention reminds me a lot of Tony Tulathimutte’s Rejection, a story collection that just came out last week in which the first three stories circle around subjects of romantic rejection. The entitlement to love and desire is a present theme across in which the reader can also see the obvious faults that prevent the protagonists from achieving wha they want. I recommend! It’s also a National book award long list finalist.
I'm actually just writing a review of that book right now haha (big fan of Tulathimutte). Would be curious to get your thoughts on my piece when I publish it here.
HAHA amazing. I have a review of Rejection coming out too and took his CRIT writing workshop last fall. I’ll be on the look out for your review!
Likewise! Excited to read your take
Why can’t people write a bloody film review without telling me all about their middle class life first
let me hold your hand when i say this: this is my newsletter and i will do whatever i fucking want