2026 Ins, Outs and Predictions
jester's privilege
Back by popular demand! Last year, I predicted Justin Bieber’s comeback in the midst of the Diddy trials amoung other things. I also predicted things that never happened but should have, like a SKIMS collab with the Pope called HYMNS. Remember: this is all in good fun, so please, no lawyers this time. Enjoy!
INS 🫡
Turbulence, it is good to be reminded of your own mortality every now and again, preferably in upgraded seats. Turbulence is just the universe tugging on your wig; pay her no mind. Also, if this song came out now, the world would heal faster.
Classical arts, Rosalia’s orchestral ‘Berghain’ was just the beginning. Opera, live theatre, sculpture works, literature, public architecture, oil paintings, and frescos. This will be the year that we return to craft and technique.
Privacy, think private profiles, low follower counts, not being too accessible. Being a public figure, at the scale and speed one can become today, is an experience humans have not developed the anatomy for, and usually results in a lower quality of life. We now know this. More people are clocking that fame does not guarantee protection or capital. Going viral kind of sucks. Too much of ourselves is freely given without actually knowing what the exchange is. Soon, the greatest currency one can have is the coveting of oneself. Also, the concept of having a private profile is so chic because it’s like... ‘yes, introduce yourself and request access to me.’ Isn’t that just common courtesy?
Using your calculator app to calculate the tip, because tipping well and with accuracy is sexy. ‘Showing your work’ in math class was a scam anyway; we should have been learning how to do our taxes (or at the club).
Ranunculus, gorgeous flowers that are also poisonous. Give them to someone you love in an obsessive Phantom Thread kind of way, and I promise they’ll never ever leave you.
Dictating to text, I still am a voice note household for the chosen few, but dictating to text is lowkey faster for the recipient to digest and makes me feel like Rita Skeeter.
Antwerp, Dakar, and the Albanian Riviera for a holiday.
Getting a new cellphone case or living room rug instead of changing your hair when you want a rebrand. I swear it has the same effect without the risk of looking chopped.
Nala Sinephro’s The Smashing Machine soundtrack.
John Steinbeck, I love The Grapes of Wrath, but East of Eden will be huge in 2026. What classic literature will you be reading?
Art Basel Paris.
“Doing It Tired,” a mindset that merges the grind of hustle/girl boss culture with the quiet acceptance of ‘locking in.’ Labour and hard work will continue to be valourized, but invisible labour that comes at the expense of rest will be what is exalted. In response to the question of “How do you do it all?” one will answer, “I did it tired.”
The Ghanaian-British designer Palmwine IceCREAM.
Horseback riding, it’s the Year of the Horse. Everyone should feel the tendons of a powerful beast between their legs one way or another.
Study of 2 by Michael Angel.
OUTS 🤨
Partiful, listen, I love being invited to places – please keep inviting me to places – but I don’t like that on Partiful I have to lie and hit ‘attending’ to find out who else is invited and where the event is. Every Partiful notification feels like a threat, and I don’t want to have documented evidence that I was in the same room as some people, because I’ve seen what happened with the Epstein files. Seriously, look at your Partiful “mutuals” – I have never met half of these people! As an alternative, send a text message with a picture of hotel stationery where you have handwritten event details. This is both chic and personal and less likely to be sold to Palantir.
The White Lotus casting announcements that aren’t Isaac Cole Powell and Alfre Woodard cast as his rich grandmother. In fact, where is The White Lotus with Black people? I need one that takes place in Jamaica post-hurricane. Actually, more on this in the PREDICTIONS section…
That one Heirloom Tomato Leaf scented candles that y’all love to burn, I love the LOEWE and Flamingo Estate variety, but it’s run through now 🙁 and yes, Santal 26 is still out.
Arugula, can we stop pretending? The bitter salad of The Discerning is red cabbage and endive. Fennel, too, if you’re feeling nasty.
CGI animated films, we will see more animated films moving towards puppetry, traditional illustration, and even painted works in an effort to appear ‘human-made’ and not AI. Miyazaki is rubbing his hands together somewhere, grinning, scheming, plotting.
Stanley cups, because the way some of you be acting with that mug in your hand… you’d swear there was lean up in that bitch.
Shuttle buses at airports that take you to designated ride-share locations, rather than being able to have Uber/Lyft pull up where it’s most convenient. So, there’s this thing called entrapment….
Champagne Shower by Paul Latislaw.
PREDICTIONS 🫨
Epstein Island to be converted into a buzzy tourist attraction and offer overnight stays, promoted via a massive influencer brand trip.
Japan to institute a travel cap on Caucasian men traveling alone between the ages of thirty and fifty-five, causing the tourism economy to plummet for the subsequent quarter, but the deer in Nara will have never experienced such peace.
Muskoka, Ontario to experience unprecedented travel boom due to Cottage Core 2.0 resurgence driven by global Heated Rivalry psychosis.
Chase Infiniti to star as Nikki – Vernita Green’s daughter – in Kill Bill 3, and avenge her mother’s death at the hands of Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman).
Olivier Rousteing to be named new creative director at Versace and dress Beyoncé at the upcoming MET Gala.
Donald Trump to launch a Substack.
Mike White to license The White Lotus franchise to Issa Rae and Quinta Brunson to co-create The Black Lotus, a spin-off that will take place at Jamaica’s GoldenEye resort with a primarily Black cast. Ayo Edebiri, Jada Pinkett Smith, Ashton Sanders, Chanel Iman, David Jonsson, Morris Chestnut, Zack Fox, Ruth Negga, Natasha Rothwell (cross-over talent), Omar Epps, Winston Duke, Sasha Lane, Omarosa, Marshawn Lynch, Katt Williams, and Mo’Nique to all be in conversation, in addition to the aforementioned Isaac Cole Powell and Alfre Woodard (locked as lead). I will be in the writer’s room.
Van Leeuwen Peanut Butter Brownie Honeycomb recall.
Berlin to become the epicenter for theatre in Europe, overthrowing the London West End.
Malick Bodian and his book Adolescence.
Dauan Jacari to dress Rama Duwaji for MLK Day event in Harlem, New York.
Taylor Swift x Travis Kelce wedding American Vogue cover, Bezos buys the publication shortly after.
Hangover supplement market boom. People want to have their martinis and still make their 7 AM pilates classes.
A mine of rare gemstones to be found off the shores of Tunisia, sparking conflict between the North African country and Malta.
